Sunday, June 16, 2013


The cool breeze of the mystical autumn
And the streets scattered with golden leaves
Amidst the never ending honks of rushing cars
And the silent whisperings of the tired birds

I think of you..with all the pain..
You held my hand when the clouds thundered
And when the narrow streets were full of water
You held me when I trembled with sobs
And you left me with swollen red eyes

I roam in the by lanes of old Delhi
As the approaching winter darkens evenings
Amidst the small shops that twinkle with lights
And the bright smell of the varied street food

I think of you..with all the memories
You made me distinguish from abundant hues
And made me identify with my colour
You helped me see across the horizon
When the orange monsoon sun lighted the sky

The hustle bustle of the ever crowded Jan path
And the silent evenings of the central park
Amidst the warm dusk as it envelops autumn clouds
And the shining neon boards of the inner circle

I think of you..with all the love in my heart
You made me understand what emotions meant
And how they embraced me with open arms
You made me see the falling dusk
And bathe in the glow of the coming dawn

The mythical evenings in Humayun’s tomb
And the magical sounds of crushed leaves
Amidst the song of the cool evening breeze
And the whispers of the ancient history

I think of you..with silent unexplained sobs
You walked away when I wanted to hold you
And made me understand loneliness
You never looked back as I waited
To have your presence back in my small world

The dying slow path of the old Yamuna
As it meandered across the black dark waste
Amidst the small flower trees that laughed
And waited for the cold winters to come

I think of you..with painful longing
With you I have had the most precious moments
And now they slip away like the warm sand
The snapshots of memories or were they mirage?

I feel the smell of the reticent cold
And wrap my arms around me,
I breathe in the dark red glow of the sunset
Amidst the flying birds as they circle around

I think of you..with the bittersweet remembrances
I know you have left still your imprint remain
Sketched deep in my memory and feelings
I feel the warmth of the fading autumn sun

I need to let go of the mist of fallen rains
I close my eyes and whisper my prayers
As I sit on the damp soil for comfort
The memories soon fall away with warm tears..

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Musings of a converted shopaholic..

I looked across the window, through the hustle bustle as the sea of swarming people jostled me, the view was blurred as my eyes adjusted to the various hues as they rushed past me. With a deep sigh I forced myself to blink and move away, but the image beckoned me, it was of course love at first sight; there were already images in my mind how my life will become so much better with the presence of the unknown stranger and wasn't that the point of every relationship? I reasoned with myself as to how this could be one life changing decision that I was running away from. Every self help book, magazine and now even people's facebook status said the same thing, "A relationship is supposed to make you feel good" and here I am single at 27, running away from a potential life changing relationship. Of course I still didn't know if it was mutual or not but then...

With my head full of swarming thoughts, I rested at the nearby chair of the coffee shop and ordered for a decaf latte, one needs to watch out for those extra calories these days as I sipped my tasteless coffee and, watched with mixed feelings of longing and self righteousness at the girl sitting at the adjacent table having my favorite cold coffee with extra cream and that crunchy cookie. "You need to watch your weight" I reminded myself again and instead forced myself to think, as the self help books prescribed at other happy thought but all I could do was smell that coffee, forcing myself to get up and walk away, I smiled proudly as it was already 1-0 in my favour, I had resisted the temptation at least for once.

I had just walked a few steps, when I saw him again, this time as he flirted with another girl, she smiled and laughed and I looked jealously; wondered how he would be if he was with me, would he make me look better, make me look happier and satisfied? just as these thoughts were forming shape, a loud push threw me off balance, cursing the rushing girl, who looked back to just smile and apologise, I saw another one; and this time I knew I can't resist, I had to had to go across and give it a try..but a smaller inner voice inside my head reminded me, of the broken heart, of the sobs at the money wasted, of the closet full of reminders that needed to be thrown away, of the fact that I needed to declutter, "you are a convert, resist the temptation"

Throwing caution to the wind, I ran with all my heart and passion and almost collided with the salesman, "I need to try them" I pointed at the beautiful green shoes, as they looked longingly at me, "Oh size 6". As I wore them, I understood what it meant to that girl who was wearing them, why she flirted with them as she walked, I almost smiled with glee as to how they fit me, this is what a perfect relationship means I mused. I decided I needed to throw out all those books, which had me away from this happiness. I almost wanted to scream to the salesman, "yes, they are perfect I need them". I walked up the cash counter and took out my "only remaining" credit card, just before handing it out, I looked at them once again and knew I needed them, "that would be 5000 mam" the guy at the counter replied mechanically.

Just for a millisecond it hit me, but then you cant put a price to happiness I reminded myself, logically also they made perfect sense, they would go with everything I had, they were the colour of the season. Just then that irritating small voice started of, "you had decided not to do this, we were so good, its already been three months, this is not what you want, you resisted the coffee, and this would be a tie 1-1, they are just shoes" even at the thought of they being called just shoes, I rolled my eyes, I was in love and I needed to give them a try so that they can be a part of it.
"Mam, there are customers waiting, please" , "uhmmm, can I please try them once again?",  sensing the indecision, he suddenly changed his tome, "of course mam, why don't you wear these only we will pack your old sandals" and once again the affair started.

As I came out, it was like breathing fresh air again, "Why be a convert, when indulgence is fun!!", the inner voice smirked, "just wait till your bill comes out, then I would ask about the love", but till then I smiled as I strutted in them.

Be Bold Stay Real

Be Bold Stay Real at BlogAdda

“Reality is sometimes just an illusion”

In the world where success is synonymous is with wealth, power and position the biggest challenge in itself becomes staying real. “Do I just tow the line and wear the mask? so that I get that next promotion?”. The option in itself is not just lucrative but far easier as well; becoming a clone of the “stereotypical corporate executive” and being one of the favourites will lead to that big raise, that coveted big car, that well decorated house in the most talked about street as well the power that comes with it, then why contradict?

On the other hand is the tag of “being yourself”, do I stay real?? Do I question those activities that are not in line with my thought process? Do I say what’s on my mind and earn the wrath of my superiors? And this leads to being labelled as strong headed, not a team member, arrogant. And you are met with cold stares, labelling as an average performer, somebody to whom people come when they need to bitch about their supervisors.

You observe both these kinds of people in everyday life, some judge them basis the superficial symbols of success and very few actually observe the different parameters of success. Is being bold and staying real actually difficult, the answer is an emphatic yes, specially in the way today’s corporate environment is manufactured. Its manufactured to have yes men, moving higher up the ladder, its does not value free thinking, contradiction and debate.

Yet, at the end of the day if you don’t feel satisfied, if things that you wanted to say are still inside you, if you never show your disagreement you are not successful, being successful is not about the show but its about that satisfaction that you are still you, with that distinct identity even if in the eyes of the masses you are a failure, you are behind your batch mates, at least you have the satisfaction of being yourself. .of being real…

I Have Thought of you..

From the first ray of the dawn..
the bright orange ray illuminates me
to the shadows of the falling dusk..
when the cool breeze embraces me..

I have thought of all my being..

From the hope of the morning sun
to the resting lights of the dark night..
from the first chirping of the birds
to the long flights in the warm evening..

I have thought of you...with all my heart..

But I fear and I tremble
far too often I have been hurt
I look up at the clouds
shining with orange lining..

I try to breathe again slowly
but only your images come to me

I walk and I run, faster and faster
trying to run away from you
Yet all I have done is
Just thought of you...

Monday, June 3, 2013

The music of the rain..

The warm red of the dusk seeps through me
As I soak in the rays through the dark clouds
The darkness slowly descends
and the first drops of the blue rain fall
They soak me in eternity of hope
they embrace me, and envelope me
with the warmth of existence
without any conditions, any judgements
they make me a part of them
As my salty tears get mixed with them
I loose myslelf in the music of falling rain
The time loses all meaning
and I stand with my hands outstreched
moving with the unknown rhythm
It doesnt ask any questions, It doesnt give answers
It just soothes me, makes me forget
the road ahead is blurry, unknown
and I don't want to see what's ahead
I just walk slowly, splashing the muddy puddles
laughing with the tired green leaves
It washes away my footsteps
and walks with me, helping me
make my own small paths in the darkness..