Thursday, March 21, 2013

Musings of a failed romantic

I look out of the window of my rickety bus as it moves along the dusty road to an unknown town. I have no luggage and no destination..yet I am on a journey to discover what is it I want.

I have gathered the broken pieces of my heart, offered them on a platter to a stranger who threw it off again, and again I slowly gathered them; this time with even finer pieces.they hurt me more but they are still mine, to be polished again so that the edge goes away.

Failures have made me stronger, but did I need be? somehow the heart replies a thumping no, it whispers to me, "I have had enough, can you please let me be, I have always loved with all my might, i cant do it or i dont want to do it, will you please let me be?" The head reasons, "No no, this is the time to be, lets work on things, you dont worry I will make it alrite, I will set this, we cant lose just like that, I wont give up, you rest while I will work, ok" But this time heart does cry out, "Enough of this, I wont take it anymore, I give up..."

The bus continues to pass the warm yellow fields ripe with mustard plants, they sway to the musical tones of the breeze, it is as if they are dancing to each other's presence as they embrace. On the tree the cuckoo bird starts singing to add to the music; the eternal romantic in me wakes up again, "how can you give up on something as pure as love, without it you are just like the endless road..." I hunch up and wrap my arms tightly around me.

My nursing healing heart speaks out again, "Why do I need to be stronger, why do I need to be mature, I loved my innocence when I trusted people without thinking, when I loved without thinking of endings, you have made me mature so that I dont cry, so that I understand but you know what I Dont want to, please let me rest..I need to sleep for a long long time...."I feel the tears rolling down while my head warns me against them.but this time I let them be..